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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

a letter to lover

Dear Pagli
Happy birthday… may god and your lives give you the best moments which we couldn’t share. I am missing you for last night, actually not for last night, I am missing you for years. Anyway how are you? Hope a bit fine than me.  Have you taken your meal? Hmmm? I know you are having fast for the day. In my life you are the only girl I have seen who keeps fast on her birthday. Do you remember when we met for the first time and planned for you birthday which was 11 months far. Silly noise of the heart and feelings of the breath were the only mediators between us. Do you remember the first word we shared on the very first meet? I know you can’t forget the words “kaisi ho aap?”. You know one thing, when I saw you first time, you were not looking beautiful but I was happy by knowing that the heart you bearing beats for me and only for me. I do feel the touch of your softer skin and warmth of your arm in the killing winter of January. I do miss those moments of our life which we shared together by realizing the real happiness of true love. But you had to go. Far away from me. They say, we have committed breakup, but I am tired of saying we didn’t. It’s just “Dastoor of true love”. Our love started with my “kaisi ho aap?” and ended with your “bye”. Sorry I must not say ended. Still I love you and I know far from the fake world you too. You know I have told to my friends about you. I have dedicated my first love theme based novel to you by penning “dedicated to my love, don’t know where she is”. I do remember your beauty which was silent but more than enough to make me love you till my last breath. I do remember your voice which I am dying to hear again. I do feel the touch of your fingers moving over my head when I close my eyes and dream about you.  I do miss your care when cough and cold tease me night after night. Though I have a nice friend circle but nobody is there to say “either we will eat together or be hungry for whole night”. Nobody says “I like to write your name on my palm”. Once when you said you haven’t seen sea yet, on that day I decided I will see the sea first time only with you. Believe me I haven’t seen it yet and now I won’t ever in my life. Few months ago, I was going through a road and suddenly a girl screamed “Juhi….” You won’t believe me, I got blank, my heartbeat stopped for a while. My feet jammed there but I couldn’t dare to have a glance on the girl. Long time ago I have heard this name. My past was standing just behind me, but I was sure it was not you. I closed my eyes tightly and ran away from there. I don’t know why I ran from there when I pray daily to meet you. I didn’t sleep at that night. I knitted a hanky with the cotton of your memories and threads of my tears. I just hid face in my palm when trying to sleep in my dark room. But I couldn’t sleep, I wanted to meet you in the dream to ask “who was that girl either you or someone else?” Destiny had decided something else so I couldn’t meet you. But still you are in my dream, in my reverie, in my breath and in my heart. On Saturday I got placed in VVE3 InfoTech Solution P. Ltd as Software Engineer Trainee. As I got the offer letter, it was you who I wanted to tell. But the worse thing in the world is we can’t touch our past, we just taste it with memories. Anyway I missed you and communicated with you in my imagination. Today 12th November is your birhtday, the day when god sent an angel on the earth to love me a lot. So again happy birthday. Be mine forever. But “tere sath baithne nhi dete ye log” they say “find a new one”. But I deny by saying “true love happens once”.

Tera ishq h ya peer ki mazaar koi

Tu dikhayi nhi deti, sayd h diwaar koi
Tujhse milu jo khwab me to sawar jaau main
Jo thoda yad kr lu to bikhar jaau main
Tu jakhm h ya uspe lga h marham koi
Tu dil me samayi h jaise h dua koi
Apne bhi mujhe ajnabi se lagne lge
Khwab meri aankho me thakne lge
Tu sath h ya h vaada koi
Bus tu jeene ka mere irada h koi
©-Kamal Paneru