“Would you me now?” I asked.
“Yes…I don’t want but I have to." She replied. I noticed her eyes had ended the tears and the kohl had disrupted the existence of her beauty. My eyes were wetbut I controlled my emotion and again drowned me in a silent sobbing.
“What’s my fault?” I asked.
“Nothing…but its over now.”
“Tell me at least once.” I regretted again and again. I was crying for myself. I was asking her to be back in my life again. But I forgot relations are not made by words. These are the purest form of two hearts feeling the same. Once she found congenial company with me but now without any broken word she was pushing me out from the empyrean of her love. I was missing her canoodle. I was missing her gentle touch. I was about to lose all things in front of my eyes. Like we can’t hold sand in our fist same thing we can’t hold relation by tears when other one is ignoring the meaning hidden behind these worthless water drops.
“I don’t love you anymore”. She replied and broke down in tear again.
“Why…???” I asked and hugged her tightly. She lay her head over my chest and shed tears alot. I just felt how much I hurt her. I know it hurts when she says “ I don’t love you” but it hurts too much when she says “now I don’t love you anymore”. This anymore bears much and more than that. She didn’t reply and just cried. I rubbed her back and made her feel warm with my care.
"In our relation your love was like a melting ice piece, which was there but continuously losing its existence. I know how much I missed you when I lost my entire family in that catastrophe. I told you the tragedy at that time and you disconnected the phone by saying I’m in meeting. Can you imagine how much it hurts? really you can’t. You really don’t know the meaning of wait. I used to wait whole day just to spend few moments with you in the evening. But you always disenchanted me and came tardy. Have you ever realized how many nights Ihave spent without taking meal? No… you don’t know. Because I was running for you and you were running for money. Dear, I know money brings happiness, but you couldn’t distinguish difference between love and money. Love is not money.You can procure anything with your money even relation too. But you can’t buy feeling with it.” She said and I realized what I got what I lost. I lost my happiness. I was working to get happiness but she was my happiness. Her phone rang. It was her uncle asking her to be at home. I wanted to say her sorry. But as they say sorry works when mistake is made but it doesn’t when trust is broken. Once I promised her I will be with you in any situation and how silly I was. I couldn’t give her proper time when she lost her family. I had broken the trust and I was solely responsible to bear that peril.
“Okay…I’m leaving. I won’t meet you now onward but…” she stopped her lips.
“but…”
“But I cant forget you… you were my only love… still I love you but things have been changed. Feelings have been changed and I too.”
“Bye” she said.
“bye…I wish you back in my life”
“Hmmm…but now not possible. Take care” she said and left. Her last adios was touching, to me, to her and to our relation. Tonight I didn’t take my dinner. Its 1:00am but I am not hungry. I am just realizing her spent time, when I ended my dinner in luxurious hotels and she waited for me to have dinner together. I am the only offender and couldn’t get better castigation then this.But still I am missing her from the bottom of my heart.
- © Kamal Paneru
let me grow, let me fly away